Bob had been in Kingdom 1551 for exactly four hours when he decided he was "fully settled in." He had unpacked nothing. He had introduced himself to no one. He had, however, already: reorganized a random farm's troops alphabetically; saluted a goat; declared himself "RIP's unofficial morale officer"; and asked Mira if 1551 had "a designated chaos zone." Mira stared at him with the same expression she used in LGD whenever Bob touched something that wasn't meant to be touched. "Bob," she said, "we're building Bear Trap 3. Please don't help." Bob saluted. "I will help responsibly." HostilePanda whispered, "We're doomed."
Mira and HostilePanda had been working tirelessly with Ryze to get Bear Trap 3 ready — blueprints, materials, timing, coordination, all on track. Then Bob arrived carrying a measuring stick he had stolen from somewhere. "RYZE!" he shouted. "I FOUND THE PERFECT SPOT!" Ryze, who had not yet been warned about Bob, smiled and agreed to see it. Bob proudly led him across RIP territory, past the safe zones, past the recommended construction area, past the "DO NOT BUILD HERE" sign, and directly into the middle of TOP alliance territory. Ryze froze. "Bob… this is TOP's land." Bob nodded. "Yes! That means it's premium real estate." Ryze blinked slowly. "Bob… we're in RIP." Bob nodded again. "Yes! But the bear doesn't know that." Ryze stared at the sky, reconsidering every decision that led him to this moment. Bob had already laid out the trap foundation — crooked bars, uneven cage, rocks everywhere, and a moat he dug "for dramatic effect." Ryze whispered, "No one warned me about Bob."
To use the trap, everyone had to leave RIP and join TOP, because Bob had built the entire thing in the wrong alliance's territory. The next day, Mira, HostilePanda, Ryze, Fluffy, Stranger, BEER, 88werdna, Death Tax, and Beef all went through the bureaucratic nightmare of leaving RIP, joining TOP, explaining to TOP why they were suddenly there, and pretending this was normal. TOP leadership stared at them like they had arrived carrying a live bear. Ryze cleared his throat. "It's… Bob." TOP nodded. They understood.
The moment the group approached the trap, they knew Bob had been involved. Crooked bars. Uneven cage. Rocks everywhere. A moat around Ryze's castle. A sign pointing the wrong direction labeled "BEAR TRAP THIS WAY." Fluffy stared. "This is… impressive." Stranger whispered, "This is a crime." BEER cracked open a drink. "I'm gonna need this." Death Tax muttered, "I feel spiritually unsafe." Beef simply grunted.
Mira launched her meteor rally. A goat launched from the eastern catapult — not a rock, not a projectile, a goat — soaring majestically through the air, bleating heroically, and crashing directly into Mira's rally, completely missing the bear. Mira closed her eyes. "Bob." Ryze tried to launch his rally next; his troops ran forward, hit the moat Bob dug around his castle, panicked, and scattered like confused chickens. HostilePanda stepped up to launch her rally and followed Bob's sign — which pointed the wrong direction — and ended up rallying a tree.
When all was said and done, the group sat in silence. Their scores were so low they didn't even bother checking them. Fluffy lay on the ground staring at the sky. Stranger was reconsidering his life choices. BEER opened another drink. 88werdna was trying to calculate how this was even possible. Death Tax was writing a will. Beef was sharpening something ominously. Mira looked at HostilePanda. HostilePanda looked at Mira. They both said, in perfect unison: "Never again." Bob, standing proudly beside the crooked trap, saluted. "You're welcome."